so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
