Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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