So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
