A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
