I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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