That's intense
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
