3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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