Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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