I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
