hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
