Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
