mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
