Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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