Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
