someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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