just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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