after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
