the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
