Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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