Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
