It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
