just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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