Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
