I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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