you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
