I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
