Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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