I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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