she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
