I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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