Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I will pee on everything he values.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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