meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
