Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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