i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
