My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
why didn't you poke me back
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
this is an emotional support booty call
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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