Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
