How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
