Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Randomize
