can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
