Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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