It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
