I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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