I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
