Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
