Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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