just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
