the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
