physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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