i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
two words: eviction party
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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