If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
